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"the clanking of crystal"

I recently asked my youngest niece what she was excited about for 2026. She shared some lovely things, only one of which I predicted, and then as the thoughtful & skilled conversationalist she is, she reciprocated the question. And in the moment I had . . . nothing. Not because I have nothing. My mind just went blank. After a year that demanded so much of me, that yielded incredibly beautiful results beside incredibly painful outcomes, being excited feels like a dangerous luxury. Hope, like most worthwhile pieces of the human experience, exists only in vulnerability. And I had a choice, keep to the safety of a mind unwilling to risk materializing thoughts of excitement, or I could find a way to continue the conversation and articulate some precious things. I chose the latter. I shared a few things, the last of which was a hope that 2026 would pleasantly surprise me. Before noon today, I was surprised by a few different & wonderful things. 1. my favorite band is releasing a conc...
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roadside rainbow remembrances

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A beloved poet composed their last verse today Rarely is my heart this shattered Over someone I never met But somewhere between parasocial And beautiful kinship Rests the relationship Between a reader and a poet They beckon us into depths Of their own making certainly But also into the depths within ourselves They playfully and pleadingly Pull us in To dance intimately with our own joy And vulnerably with our own sorrow They request that we stare back Into the reflection of our pain Until that siren no longer holds sway And they remind us that When love takes our breath away Sometimes...just sometimes It's not tingling and shooting stars It's the cry of our broken hearts And we are strong enough to carry this To dedicate ourselves to lessons learned To let the echoes of beautiful lines Glow in our searching minds When we carry fragile feelings With the tension they require We are also strengthening our wings ------------------------------------------------------ The only thing ...
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one word frees us of all the weight and pain in life

This has been a weekend of big questions and big feelings. What do you do on "Independence Day" in a nation that has only ever used its supposed ideals as a shield rather than a roadmap? What do you do when people you theoretically would more closely align with politically give in to hate as a tragic natural disaster strikes? How do you maintain your humanity? Your heart? Any semblance of softness as the world continues to demand dehumanization? How do you fight not to lose yourself? How do you respond to a ceaseless onslaught of injustice, greed, and cruelty? I certainly cannot answer every question for everyone. For me, I essentially whittled down my worldview to this: 1. Love is my lighthouse--the guiding principle for everything. More love is always better. 2. Every human is the only authority on their own life & they deserve autonomy. 3. Do no harm, take no should. What this ends up looking like in my life is bearing witness to the immense pain in the world. I have w...
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Here's a bumblebee my coworker found in the parking lot & told me about so I could give him a drink & save his life. It's hard to breathe today. To step away from everything that feels hopeless. To take a break from screens that are breaking you with every swipe of your fingertip as you simultaneously crave and abhor every bit of news your eyes land on. Simple answers do not exist. But tiny beautiful things like bumblebees still do. I can't say for sure how long this little one had left to live. After a great amount of time drinking water, I gently placed him on a flower & he flew away almost immediately. I'd like to believe he'll live as long & as lovely a life as any bumblebee can. But even if not, I know for sure that near the end of his life he was loved and cared for and spoken to sweetly. I can't do everything to change the world, but I can continue to love as big as my heart can handle. And that's not nothing.
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couldn't take the pace of change

 I started a new job in April. After over a year of trying to live off of my art, I wasn't surviving. And it's difficult to admit that something didn't work out how I wanted. Again. It's honestly so hard not to feel like a failure. But I also spent the majority of that year grieving and facilitating major undertakings--helping my parents clean out my childhood home where they lived for nearly 40 years. Immediately followed by helping them clean out my grandmother's and aunt's home where they had lived for over half a century. The year became full of memories and heartache and emotional heaviness. I created as much as I could. I gave what I had in me. But mostly I sank. I sank under the weight of physical labor and grief. Of the challenge of a part-time long distance relationship. I felt like amorphous goo. And I struggled to find my footing again. I'm not sure if you're aware, but goo is not particularly adept at fancy footwork. Luckily, I had people in ...
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I was desperate to hold the whole world's pain But I couldn't carry it all And I certainly couldn't heal it  So all that was left was to shout back my own pain  And echo back and forth in resounding cacophony my childhood pain that went unheard  And the continuous torment from being powerless to resolve all the pain I tried to bear  I couldn't heal it, but goddamn was I convinced I should rip my arms and heart apart trying to wrap my entire self around it Determined to protect everyone in ways I wished I had been protected  I deserved it And so did they But I had to accept that ripping myself to pieces couldn't bring peace to their pain  I couldn't rescue everyone  I could rescue myself And it seemed selfish But if I wanted to reduce the world's pain, I could start with the burden I actually had the power to lighten
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Earlier on into the genocide & ethnic cleansing of Palestine that is unforgivably continuing today, I happened across some advice from an Indigenous woman who shared the wisdom that if grief is love with nowhere to go, we can take that love and give it somewhere to go. Very honestly, the reality of the world today is incredibly too much to bear. And yet, we must. We must bear it inasmuch as is possible and we must bear witness to the horrors that "civilized" societies and capitalism are intentionally ignoring at best but in most cases actively facilitating and perpetuating. Celebrating wins in my own life feels incredibly unfair. I will carry this grief with me forever--the grief of not being able to stop the cruelty and monstrosity committed against Palestinians, the grief of betrayal by the western world that promised "never again" with fingers crossed, the grief of so many swayed by fear and blatant propaganda, the grief of the pro-life community that raised ...
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